Awards and fear

Last weekend, I drove up to Oklahoma City for our NATRC Regional Convention. I was only able to get away long enough to go to the awards dinner, then drive back home that night. So much time away last year, and I just could not bring myself to ask the neighbor to come by to take care of the animals for the weekend. Our Region has some wonderful year end awards that are not just the class placings, but breed awards, special recognition awards etc. The points are only from rides within our own region,and do not include any that riders might have earned riding in other areas of the country. Hank won his horse class, and I won my horsemanship class. Then we won so many other things, I was feeling embarassed going up again and again as they were calling my name. I asked James Keene, who has also won the Presidents Cup with his wonderful Foxtrotter mare in the past, if he felt that same bit of embarasmant they year he won so many awards, and he said yes. I know we should not be embarrased by doing well, as we worked hard, and earned the awards. But it was still so odd for me to keep going up and getting all the beautiful trophies etc.

The last award the Region presented me with, was an awesome embrodiered jacket, with the NATRC log on it, and our names on the front. I KNOW I will wear this jacket a bunch!

 

Next weekend is our national Convention in Reno NV.  Over the past ride season, I thought about this convention many times. Wondering if all our hard work would find us there receiving the Presidents Cup.  But part of the receiving of this award, means the winner is to give a bit of a speech. Here is where my FEAR comes in. I am terrified of public speaking. Did you know that according to studies, public speaking is a bigger fear than death. Fear of public speaking is reported to be the number one fear of American adults . Growing up, through High School etc., I never had to give a speech, and even managed to avoid reading out loud in class. I am OK with talking to small groups of people, and even speaking up (often out of order...bad habit), but to stand up in front of a gathering, and speak, and on a microphone is something I do not look forward to at all. Even during the year when competing, knowing I'd have to do this, if I won, made me question if it was really worth it. At the regional convention, I was asked to say a few words, and I panicked. I could barely squeak out "thank you" without taking the microphone in hand. I tried to get hooked up with some Toast-masters groups, but by the time I looked in to them, they were in parts of town too far away, or only met once a month, and I just could not get it worked out.  I have the speech written, worked over, and fine tuned. I have read it to my husband, but still, the thought of doing so at the convention is stressing me. I joked I'd like them to have a big screen, hooked up to a keyboard, and I would just type it, and folks could read along on their own.  I know I will survive it, no one will laugh at me, hopefully with me if needed, and that people speak to audiences all the time, but that is not making my fears subside.  And don't tell me to picture anyone naked. That's not working for me. I hope I can manage to stand there looking down and just reading my script I have written. if I can manage THAT I will be thrilled. To memorize it, and look at the audience? (snicker) Not looking good.